メ Saturday, July 31, 2010
...call me. i will be there for you `
2 days later i shall sit for my exam,
but somehow i was still so whatever about it.
Not nervous, not excited nor anything,
maybe just some feeling like finally?
But that doesn't mean i am not prepared, kay?
i am always ready for something.
Even though yet i finished all the notes of NWS,
and please not mention about MAP as well. (study, study...)
But you can't blame me.
Since after i finished my STPM,
i'd lost the attitude of how should i take on an exam.
Like nothing is much challenging than it,
and i mean it seriously.
...how do you laugh? or how do you cry? `
Say, abandon memory is not an easy task.
Trying to not to be reminded for what you'd experienced,
is so much... ...PAIN.
(suddenly Anima came into picture...)
Cipher Text:
kwbhzwfophbojhxtlfxhmwvigubohemmwlulvfqxdsivrjcud
KEY:
i would have no idea how to reach you, but i will be there. trust.
That is an encrypted text if you noticed.
Something. something i wanted to say, but i never.
i couldn't make up my mind now for something,
so i will just leave it as cipher as now.
i am not expecting anyone to figure it out,
but if you did i would say thanks for tried to understand me.
And just ignore that if you can't understand what i am talking about.
But rather than just being a key,
that is what i am trying to say as well.
You may think that i was lying but maybe i am not.
i don't care if i would know how,
but i know i will find my way to be there.
...simply because you are there calling for me ` -smile-
,noɥɔ : 5 years from now, is that still a matter?
chou` : Say, if you'd lost all your memories, have to learn everything
all over again, living without your past. Do you think that is a
problem?
,noɥɔ : Okayz. perhaps 5 years is too short for that, then how about
10 years?
chou` : That sounds better and maybe 10 years you could have use to it.
But can i ask you something?
,noɥɔ : Say it.
chou` : How many 10 years do you have? How many 10 years that
you able to lose to have things start over again? How can
you be so sure you are not going to lose your memory again?
,noɥɔ : ... ... ...thanks.
the story told at... 11:58 PM
メ Thursday, July 29, 2010
...the decision is never easy to make `
Sent my desktop for checking like week ago,
finally have the message comes back saying that,
the power supply is bad, the RAM is spoiled, bla bla bla...
But i am not surprise about it,
in fact that was actually being expected.
And it is just a waste of money to fix it,
when you got almost everything spoiled but your hard disk.
So there has been some time i am thinking about it,
if i should backup my files as scenario like now happened.
You know, most the time people will ask for backup like definitely.
But... not this time. i don't want them anymore.
Of course i would still keep some important files,
like what i need for my study.
But not the memories this time.
i don't need anything that will remind me for my past.
If the memory is so precious,
it will never fade away like nothing.
What should be remembered will be remembered by me,
and if it don't then so be it.
...here is the Hawaiian Vodka i just drank `
i think i'd live long enough in my past.
But i am not trying to say how miserable my life was,
in fact there are some points of time which are enjoyable.
But maybe this shall be the time for me to walk out from it.
i don't need to be reminded again,
for people asking me why i spent my time for like meaningless?
For how come a lazy person like me,
will done something even others threaten me with dead and i will never do.
For so much so much i'd changed,
like i don't even recognize myself for some time.
But it is not like i went for surgery or whatever,
just that i seriously give my heart for it.
But there is still something unchanged until today,
like i still can't bear to say "NO" to You.
(again i have to laugh...)
Say, leaving is not really that hard,
what's hard is how you going to make that decision.
Trust me, i would still love you,
if one day you will found that you actually love me.
But in the mean time, i shall love myself more.
...and here is the Bitter Tea i shall drink now `
Unbind myself from the past and you know what,
despite how much you love a person,
human can actually like the others at same time.
But noticed that the words i use here are LOVE and LIKE,
i do hope you understand the different between them.
Like what i am trying to say is,
whoever could love a person but they would never like someone else?
...and how would you understand now who is love and who is like? `
- take a deep breath -
Like seriously there is too much i'd say for today,
but what's done is done.
Maybe i will come back on the next post,
if i feel something else to write again.
ps.
...i allow you to walk into my world,
but that doesn't mean i allow you to walk here and there ` LOL
Stranger A : Say, you are going to meet someone better than her.
chou` : Of course, i will. But you know what?
Stranger A : Huh?
chou` : It is just that i can never treat anyone better than her. -smile-
the story told at... 10:40 PM
メ Wednesday, July 28, 2010
...here goes Inception and Eclipse again `
Went for movies again today,
and it is cinema in MidValley another again.
Who i was watching with you ask?
i choose not to speak about it.
Then why...? Who the hell know. - grin -
So i watched Eclipse for the second time,
then Inception coming up next.
Quite a 4 hours and half long movies in combo,
one after another.
But i will learn my lesson,
for getting closer seats next time if i am watching with you.
But then again that will only apply,
if there will be a next time for us.
...that was a long movie `
i thought i'd felt or better realised something on today,
but i couldn't possibly sure about it for now.
Maybe i shall keep that story til some other time.
But you know what,
sometime i really could not figure myself out,
like my mind just like to play tricks with me.
Make me feel so uncomfortable, doubtful, anger, out of control...
But need not worry about me,
i will have my own way to deal with my problems.
i won't let it to interrupt my life,
even though it did happened the last time.
But i shall believe that will be the very first time,
and only time...
Say, i was talking about movies just now,
why the hell would i bring all these up, huh?
i don't know...
Maybe i was tired, i guess.
If maybe i can control my dream like Inception does,
i might choose to fall into it as well...
ps. ...the shoes are nice. of course. i bought it one weyy `
...a second there i thought i found what i want,
but the next second i start doubt about it...
...maybe it is true, i can't feel myself from you now `
the story told at... 10:26 PM
メ Monday, July 26, 2010
...slipped and fell `
Slipped and fell on the floor yesterday.
Blame the wet foot i have,
yet still jumping around the house =.=
i must have lie to you if i say it is not pain at all,
but somehow i was laughing like mad after i fell.
It is not that i felt it is funny,
but it is the pain makes me can't stop laughing.
i know that i am weird,
but i just don't know how to tear even i am in pain.
And sleeping is like a hell for me yesterday.
...though don't ya miss fall on the floor? `
...i should get going `
Thought of going APIIT in the early morning,
but i forget my alarm and thus i overslept.
Such a chilling weather for today,
don't the weather make you feel like fall in love?
Rather than some hot sun burning,
i just love this kind of weather.
And i saw the moon surround by the rainbow the other night,
that was so loved if you ask.
Oh well. sorry for the crapz.
i think it is yet too late for me to get going,
like i need the exam dockets so badly.
Bless that my car don't get clamped,
as i am gonna park temporary, so illegally in TPM later.
ps. ...auch! my back `
the story told at... 3:15 PM
メ Sunday, July 25, 2010
...eclipse. you are not going to miss it `
the twillight saga : eclipse :
Watched it yesterday in MidValley cinema,
and of course it is nice.
But still, i am so going for Inception as well.
Good movie should not be missed, right? :D
...the twillight saga : eclipse : `
You know what, watching the Eclipse is kinda like,
watching a reflection of myself.
But the story is slightly different from here,
like i don't think i am as HOT as Jacob is. - laughed -
For me, my behavior, my attitude is much a vampire style,
but so sad i could not be as lucky as Edward does.
i kinda like Jacob in this episode somehow.
Those kind of feeling i can truly understand.
Like the last time i tried,
that seriously make me feel like dying. - fell in deep thought again -
Say, for you i could do whatever,
even if that means to cost my life.
But you know what,
no one from this century is going to buy this kind of saying,
though i just never learned how to lie to you.
Do you think it is true some love can last forever?
How will you trust if one said,
he/she will wait for you forever?
Maybe only the time can prove it.
And how i wish the time can prove that i was wrong,
but i know... ...
...the lovely one `
Anyway i am not going to talk about the movie here,
like if you'd watched it you would already know,
and if you don't then i don't want to spoil the fun of you.
But trust me, Eclipse is nice and worth for your time.
...i will wait for you...
...until the day your heart stop beating...
...maybe even then `
the story told at... 3:13 PM
メ Saturday, July 24, 2010
...i think it is PINK ! `
You think it is gay,
i think it is PINK !
Due to some reasons and factors,
i'd now occupied my sis lappy,
and make her bought an APPLE now.
If you ever spot a guy in public,
facebooking, blogging, Dragonica-ing or studying,
with a pinky laptop with him.
Then you most likely just spotted me.
...so my phone can actually did macro `
Some issues from my dad and maybe from you as well,
saying that the pink make me look so gay-ish.
But who care what you all think,
i feel that it is so unique with pink.
Bear with me but i just tend to be different.
Being so common just aren't my style huh?
Like i may wearing jacket in the summer-day,
having McDonald in the BurgerKing,
or whatever insane-moves you may or may not think of.
Okayz. i think not much i needed to say for that,
as you would already know if you'd know me for long,
or following this blog for some times from now.
...don't try to scan me with your normal sense `
...love = infinite = eternal =? can never achieve `
And so i was trying to draw something yesterday,
but the ideas in mind do not well fit in my hand.
Perhaps the tissue isn't cool enough?
But i just love to draw on tissue instead of paper.
i still prefer the environment in SecretRecipe rather than Starbucks,
but i don't have a choice if i want a stable wifi-ed for internet.
Have been sitting here for like 3 hours for now,
but i don't plan to leave yet.
Maybe after hour later i will go Daytona again,
then meeting aidi and soon reach for LiYin.
Whatsoever. i think that is all for today.
ps. ...i will buy you mocha frapp next time so don't dislike me `
ps. ps..
...the parents actually spend their time here with the children playing SDO `
the story told at... 3:26 PM
メ Tuesday, July 20, 2010
...SecretRecipe FTW ! `
What you know, it is Tuesday again.
Ya. it is Tuesday again... - smiled -
Here i am, staying in SecretRecipe again,
having my precious Tiramisu,
waiting for the promising time.
i couldn't remember now,
since when this becomes a habit to me.
...opps! whose blog is that? `
Maybe people will never understand,
but sometime there is something need not to be understood.
Do whatever you feel like to,
it is for yourself not for others anyway.
And all of a sudden i just remember,
how i had a dream last time,
of forgotten what i should not be forgotten of this promise.
It is just so funny to think of it now. - laughed -
i am haivng some weird dream lately,
weird enough and tiresome somehow.
In the dream i am running for my life,
as i just predicted the DOOMSDAY to come.
Of course i am not alone in there,
some guys and girls are with me but i couldn't well recognize their face.
And this is the first time i'd someone,
who i never know in real to be the main-girl in my dream.
Sorry for that i always have some drama/movie like dream. - shy -
But what is the dream trying to tell me?
People tends to ask me if i am telling the truth,
but you know what.
It seriously not about how much i said is true,
what's matter is how much would you believe if i said.
Say, the environment in SecretRecipe really nice.
But then it starts making me to think of alot of things,
really alot, alot of things...
Maybe deep down in my heart,
i would have the answer already.
But most the time i choose not to believe it,
i start hating myself doing so but i couldn't help.
Think no matter how insane i would be sometime,
i am still a human afterall.
...that is no way i can be beyond human anyway ` (unless i died...)
By the way if you might not know,
i got some so-called poor memory here.
Seriously i could not be remembered things well longer than 2 years.
If one day you ever saw me on the street,
please say hi to me or by any way reminds me of you.
People tends to say that i am acting cool,
but the fact is i seriously could not remember you.
Sorry for that you're being so common for me to recognize.
(Oh well. i might be joking for this.)
Though why i am calling it so-called poor memory,
'cause on those you-know-who and you-not-know-who,
i somehow remember so clearly on every single details of them.
And... whatever.
You already know i could not forget... ... ...
...even the best moment will end. nothing last forever `
Like nothing last forever,
deep down in our heart we know about it.
i do have a choice to choose to believe it or not,
but should i really... maybe... ...?
Honestly i can not get myself an answer for that now,
as i know and i believe, miracles happen.
Just something you might possible not know,
miracle happens only when both of us believe.
Which also explained why,
i am so hard to make a decision now.
Til i have the final answer for myself,
i am going to follow my heart to do whatever i feel like to.
And walking on the street alone today,
i feel some sort of freedom that i was longing.
Though i could not ignore the fact it comes with loneliness,
but still it was not that bad, i guess...
ps. ...i got an idea for some drawing again `
the story told at... 8:32 PM
メ Saturday, July 17, 2010
...drinkers on Genting ` =D
...the fantastic back `
Awesome! That is what i call,
...A BREAK FROM EVERYTHING~! `
Went up to Genting on the last Wednesday,
with the company of whom you can find in the album.
A lot of stories happened on there,
and i have no idea where should i start writing.
Or perhaps i should not be talking much,
but link the story to someone's blog (smart? =D)
...hey. can you see what is it? `
Anyway here is my greatest achievement of the year,
can you see what is it in the picture?
You Bet! It is the chip from Genting Casino!
A small reminder for you as my birth month is on November,
so obviously i get in illegally. Cool huh?!
But that is so noob of me when trying to change for the chip,
totally i have no idea about the procedures. Lol!
But nevermind as i got it now.
Though the Drinker's Night was not as satisfied,
like almost everyone get drunk so soon.
Maybe the liquid this time just too hard?
Whatsoever. what's surprise is,
we managed to wake up on 6.30am the next morning,
the buffet breakfast sure is something...
Then played in the Outdoor Theme Park,
and forget that we just hangover the last night.
...i bet that was fun `
Guess mostly that will be the story for it,
except for some side-story that you would not wanted to know.
Or maybe just i don't want to be reminded again... ... ...
- moved to the corner -
So today is the day, Bon Odori.
Still remember 2 years back there,
i am the one bringing everyone to the place.
That obviously was fun.
According to MunChun's said,
i'd high for like the whole month after that day.
And yeah, i guess i was.
You know what, i just don't get excited easily.
But somehow if you managed to turn me on,
i am not so easy to be turned off.
...like how i am still not use to the ground yet `
But let's get back to Bon Odori,
it sure gave me quite some fun memories back there.
But again when i think back about it now,
i found something stupid of myself again.
Why must it always a sad truth behind my happiness?
Don't you think that you'd set up enough obstacles for me?
Despite what had happened and happening,
...should i continue pursue for what i want? `
...or should i find another way to go? `
...have it your way `
ps. ...i think this is the first time i had doubt on where i should go `
the story told at... 11:13 PM
メ Tuesday, July 13, 2010
...Eat-All-You-Can From PapaJohns! `
How sarcastic it can be,
i just teared for the Doraemon's movies,
but not for any of the recent events that happened.
Though that is just a drop of it.
But maybe that is more than enough already,
like how possible would you see the emotion of chou` ?
Despite how terrible i feel for anything,
somehow my tear will only reacts to Doraemon.
If it is not for Doraemon,
i though i have forgotten how to cry during my growth.
You know, i quite envy those who able to cry whenever they feel like,
the feeling is so hard when you are sad but with no way to express.
Maybe i would like someone who can teach me how to cry.
And have to mention that ShinChan is so the source for my laughter,
but now he is long gone as well... - sigh -
Apparently above is another draft-post from me,
written on 12th July, 12.07AM, i suppose.
i'd tried to continue the story,
but i couldn't find back the feeling on that time.
So bear with me and i shall just leave it as it is for now.
But guess what, now i am writing in Sg. Long, OldTown,
just finished the movie Despicable Me in Mines.
Comment on the movie, it is definitely good for a laugh =)
but i think the story is not strong enough.
Oh Please~! No more pizza from now on!
My lunch today was with chelle and CheapJing,
and it is the Eat-All-You-Can we had.
If you do not know about it,
that is the promotion from PapaJohns.
During lunch time 12pm - 3pm,
pay RM 9.90 for each person and you can eat all the pizzas in there.
Like you just sitting there,
and for every minute a pizza is done,
they will serve to your plate.
And of course free flow of Pepsi for your thirst.
...i was trying my best `
You know, the pizza is so cool as it can fly to my plate.
i couldn't remember his name but it is this guy,
who keep serving me double, triple of pizzas for every single round.
Usually i would like to say,
please call me out for food.
But please! Not for pizza or bread, whatsoever.
(Quite wonder who can actually sit there for 3 hours without fail...)
...say, i could not have any more pizzas in my life! `
After the Pizza-Frenzy then i went for my presentation.
i would not say it is cool but not half bad either,
as i know i am done with it now. (finally...)
And for the night i watched the movie as mentioned,
and i yet could get over with it.
...it is so fluffy i'm gonna die ` xD
So here is a little thought of mind again.
Technically I have tried to fixing my thought.
Apparently I could not be fully accepted with what that happened,
but, partially I do and not doubt me on that.
Maybe if I do not seeing, reading nor hearing something,
I can still be possible staying in my cool.
Thanks that I just got reminded,
what I have been waiting is called Eternal.
And here is a quote from friend...
" 如果我能够离开 如果我能够祝福
不是代表我看清 是我证明我爱你 "
the story told at... 10:02 PM
メ Saturday, July 10, 2010
...would be my last PS Kursus `
Submited my last assignment for this semester yesterday,
and it is like ..."What else can i do now?" `
Joined PS Kursus with chelle on noon,
it is not quite the bad i suppose.
In fact, i feel the fun but not at all either.
SecretRecipe for the breakfast as the lunch,
and feel like i had so much SecretRecipe for this month.
Somehow it is just a place i have to go,
when i need some peace for myself.
Sorry to say but i yet can accept and take the situation.
The free time now just make me think ever more.
It is not a good sign,
but i would not ask myself to stop thinking,
'cause i know thing will never worked in that way.
...a real forgotten is not something you have to work on it `
...how would you understand the meaning behind the words? `
Maybe it is true,
i have lost a person now.
i'd lost someone,
...who used to be there for dinner,
...who used to be there for movies,
...who used to be there for the fun,
...and who used to be there for just whatsoever `
For a second i will still be stunned,
for thinking, what should i possibly be doing now?
i have been questioning and answering myself,
but it just doesn't helped much up to now.
ps. ...coffee sounds good to me `
...原来 我比想象中寂寞 `
the story told at... 11:54 PM
メ Friday, July 2, 2010
...i just want to see you be happy `
Suppose to be working on my assignments now but somehow...
i was stucked due to the lacking of software...
For the mean time, there is nothing i can do,
but wait for it to be downloaded and installed.
...maybe i can use some time to blog, i suppose `
...in despaired `
Seriously this is an HELL-LIKE-WEEK for me.
Please not mention about the recent event,
but 3 assignments due is killing me.
Wasn't able to have a good sleep until now...
Stressed, sorrow, disappointed, regret...
and now you called that emotionless?
Maybe i am just expressionless.
(Say, i don't know if i am in my real form now.)
Somehow our after-so-much-meeting turned out to be so normal,
strangely normal... like nothing ever happened before.
Perhaps we both are ignoring,
or we did get over it so easily?
...ignorance isn't the way `
But things happened happened,
no matter how we act,
we can never removed THAT from our heart.
(and i remember i said that before for some other case.) - flash back -
As for myself i know i am not getting over it so easily,
but then the situation now just doesn't allow me to stay in despaired.
Kinda wonder what am i trying to do now for sometime,
or maybe what can/should i do?
...i do hope we can sit down and talk throught it `
i believe i am just so good on emotion control,
while i am standing in front of others.
Just what's the point of showing others your saddie-look?
What lies behind my smile you don't have to know.
Again i really don't like the feeling,
like living in the world of lies.
Some part of myself is asking me to find out the truth,
while the same time i am asked to ignore it...
Juat seriously what should i do?! - screamed -
i have been telling myself about it.
If ever i have a doubt, THINK.
"Why am i doing all these at the first place?"
"What is my desire?"
After all these years i almost forget what i want,
but i am glad it is still the same thing i am after until today.
It is simple enough for people to find it hard to believe,
but it's all depends how much would you believe if i said.
...i just want to see YOU be happy `
...ice-cream cheers `
Though it might not be able to ease my pain,
but at least it gives me a mindset of what to do.
Just again i have no idea,
if what i did can really fill the purpose...
...as if we never actually talked about it `
the story told at... 11:44 PM
