メ Sunday, June 27, 2010
...a word for myself `
Time seem to have pass slower lately,
i thought usually when the due date is near,
we will feel the hourglass finish faster.
Somehow it is different for this time.
i think i actually know why...
...stay in the world of ignorance `
i think i have calm down quite a bit for now,
but it is not healed yet,
as i just tried to live in the world of ignorance.
For sometime i would still feel a great pain inside my mind,
that is when i have too much of thoughts that can't get away.
So much of happenings and assignments due,
i could say it is a double-trouble.
But the will of chou` isn't weak,
he can still barely stand on his feet,
and thanks to those who'd tried to bring him up.
Take a look on my facebook's wall,
i think this was the first time i have almost full page of status update.
Seriously i have to do this to keep myself calm,
i need to talk to something when the pain hit me,
and somehow it turns out to be the wall...
That is such a pain when you want to talk,
but you can't reach the person you want to talk to.
Nowadays i am afraid to sleep and bath,
'cause both are the time,
when i most easily fall into the abyss of thought.
Then i will start to feel the pain again...
Please if you ever saw me stone there for some minutes or seconds,
talk to me for whatever or anything.
i just need some distraction,
before i went into something again.
Ignorance really not the best way to settle a problem,
and it is obviously not my style as well.
Maybe for now that is the only option left for me,
but i am going to face it when the time comes.
i believe now my friends would be there laughing,
as they have such a stupid friend like me.
But the same time i believe,
none of them would stand out and said that i am wrong.
i know and i understand,
there is never a right or wrong on this `
...it can't stay forever `
i will need a break once everything is over,
and that is going to be 2 weeks more, i suppose.
...i would like to feel the breath of nature again `
i will give it a PAUSE for now,
but that doesn't mean THE END `
the story told at... 11:03 PM
メ Friday, June 25, 2010
...a letter for you `
If i am going to tell you i am fine,
would you actually believe that?
If you already got the answer yourself,
then stop asking me.
But be proud,
at least your friend able to write a better sentence now.
Anyway i am not writing for myself today,
or maybe it is but not the whole.
This is actually for you...
you who will understand when you did read.
...letters for you `
You know, i suppose to tell you all this today,
but it is just hard to hold my feeling when i am looking at you.
To be frank, you really make me hate you sometime,
'cause you are always the one that make me lose my cool. - laughed -
i have no idea how much would you going to trust me,
but i know you will find out one day,
even if everyone had lied to you, there is one never.
And that is why i am not going to hide from you,
that i am really sad and quite disappointed.
(可能我真的不适合拥有希望...) - 苦笑-ing -
But you said i should have something to say as well,
and i did seriously, before you ever thought of it.
That is all going to be inside the same red box again,
as if you can feel it.
Please do not ask me if i am going to hate you,
因为就算我真的恨到想杀了你
我也会在杀你之前 将自己杀死
as that is just the me you know all this time.
For if you still remember my word,
or if you don't then i am going to remind you again.
The promise i put in your phone,
is always valid unless you would removed it one day.
As it is not broken,
you know you can reach me whenever you called.
And i would care about nothingness,
i will be there as long i can find a way to be there.
(...任光晞...?)
Though i do hope you know what you are doing when the time comes.
i thought i can actually changed something if i tried,
but 一次 又一次 第三次 having the same thing happened.
一个人到底还可以承受多大的打击...?
But i think for the least i can prove something,
something i know all the time but just refused to believe...
Things i want will never fail to be in my hand,
even for the miracles to happen on me...
but i can never hold on the love i want `
...really when you have something, something will be lost `
And now you told me not to mind too much about it,
perhaps i could told you the same as well.
If you would never mind about it,
you won't be walking further and further, day by day.
And if you do not mind about it,
i won't be knowing things from such a way and not from you.
i would rather you told me directly,
我喜欢你 但我不爱你
also i don't feel like finding it out by myself.
You know i would listen to you whenever you want to speak.
And this is not the first time by the way,
but for you, i do hope this would be the last time...
how funny that i am feeling hard when writing it,
but it is truly what i feel like writing at the moment.
and after so much happenings,
now i got to believe my feeling never went wrong.
- feeling stupid but i am there laughing at myself -
Though that is one point of time now,
i start to doubt about you.
i am sorry to say but i seriously have no idea,
if sometime you are telling the truth...
(此终都是善变的女人...)
And i am not putting the blame on you,
but if it is that neccessry for you to walk that far away from me,
you could have just told me, (and not facebook-ed me this time)
and you won't found my shadow beside you again.
base on the calculation now
i am afraid you are going to walk 100 meters away from me
on the 6th time i see you again
and i am serious for this one by the way
Lastly, it is the fact i just could not care less about you,
as if i could that will not be 5 years for now.
And if there could have pure friendship between boy and girl?
i am still wondering about it...
ps.
and you know what, that is actually one thing,
i don't know if i should remind you about.
Since that you seem to have forgotten,
so it is eventually keep as a secret with me as well.
i could have tell you if you asked,
but i hope you don't 'cause i don't want to hurt you.
For those who is 71 62 53 44 about me,
thanks for your concerns.
i won't die as if the music stay.
i know i am feeling better after tonight,
but to totally walked out from this emotional,
time is needed, i suppose.
But fear not, i will be fine.
As that is what the feeling told me about,
and it is strong.
ps. ...and now i feel like having my ring on once again `
the story told at... 11:59 PM
メ Thursday, June 24, 2010
...how should i define my feeling? `
i love you
i love you
i love you
and now i don't know if i can love you
sorry but my mind can't form a proper sentence now
and i quite wonder how could i write for my assignments
i am not mad for what you think i should be
it is actually the story underneath it
but i am so not in the story telling mood now
for the least it won't be here
sometime i do wonder if whatever that is that is gift
maybe it is true when you have a gain you have to lose
my mind is rather confusing now
noticing that he will show up in great pain
tried to save me but bearly
like filling me with the fake memory
so much of questions and doubts come across
and i know i had thought too much last night by looking on my hair
what's happening is what i sensed long ago
i failed to ask myself believe it
but too i can't totally ignore what i found
i just lose my cool when i give full concern
being one that know too much is never cool
that kind of pain had felt enough
the fate just like to joke with me
keep of hope will never worked
maybe i should let him take control
but i am scare of seeing myself through his eyes
rather than some fakey memory he gave me
i like to listen to your say
please bear with me for an unreadable post
i lose the sense of
but be glad i still know what i am doing
ps. ...can i perhap stop writing? `
the story told at... 9:22 PM
メ Saturday, June 19, 2010
...if i had forgotten you `
It has been long i am wondering about it.
If ever one day i have amnesia,
what is going to happen to me?
If ever i have forgotten who you are,
will you come look for me to tell me who you are?
Or perhaps you might just walk away from me,
pretend that we never knew each other?
And maybe you have tried all the ways you can,
but i can never remember about you again,
will you just give up on me?
...can we start from the beginning again? `
But you know what, if one day i did forget about everything...
please do not show up before me again...
as if nothing is going to change from now...
'cause maybe i would have lost all my memories,
but the kind of feeling will never changed.
no matter how many times amnesia going to hit me,
i believe the same feeling will comes to me,
for every time i meet you again.
Maybe after 50 years old later,
i will be sitting inside Secret Recipe.
Yet i would have remember about anything,
yet i would have remember why i need to be there,
but i know i will be there... waited for something...
You could have heard enough lies from others,
though you will never heard one from me.
...words i said do not fade like memories do `
...will you just walk away? `
"...and i wonder if i ever cross your mind,
for me it happens all the time..."
ps. ...am learning to walk slower by myself `
the story told at... 12:07 AM
メ Thursday, June 17, 2010
...a story to tell `
Today i am going to let you know a story,
a funny one which is actually happening in APIIT.
It is the convenience store there i am referring to anyway.
...i will read you a story `
You know, two days ago i bought this one can of Coke,
the price was RM 1.70 back in that time.
Then few hours back there,
my friend bought this can of Mountain Dew,
and how much do you expecting him to pay?
Same price, RM 1.70 for that..? Nope.
Let me tell you, the price was RM 1.80 each.
Both are quite the same product,
but why is it the price different?
You may say it is the brand,
but isn't Coke much famous than "Do The Dew"...?
Well... well... that is not the whole story yet.
Just few minutes after that few hours,
i too went there and bought the SAME Mountain Dew.
Do you know how much i have to pay for it this time?
Its price was now raised to RM 1.90 each!
Can you imagine in just few minutes later,
the price goes on a raise again?
Seriously i am so wonder about,
what's the standard for it...?
...it reminds me of something `
The story kinda reminds me of another story,
which happened months ago.
The price for a bottle of Mountain Dew i bought,
was RM 2.50 each, which is expensive but still reasonable for me.
Though on one week later,
i bought the SAME Mountain Dew again.
The price was raised to RM 2.80 already...
So wonder if it is the owner forget the price,
or he purposely do so.
Do let me know, if you would somehow know the answer.
i think i am going to think twice,
if i am going to buy drinks from the store again `
ps. ...Curry Spaghetti comes into picture suddenly `
Maybe i really said it through my heart,
since it can't be through my mouth, not? :D
the story told at... 8:08 PM
メ Tuesday, June 15, 2010
...but my feeling counts too `
Guess what, i washed my car today.
i mean i WASHED my car!
Lol. actually i still find it hard to believe,
as for a lazy kid like me to wash that...
But it did happened ._.
...reading is fun `
Though i think i was quite an insane,
like washing it with my formal on.
i mean, who would wash a car by wearing formal?
i think that is only me `
Bet something must have get into me today,
i start feel like giving her a bath once i home.
You know, just when i think of something,
i like to do it right away. (if the situation allows...)
Seriously i never touch her body this tenderly,
giving her such a closer look of care before.
Now that i watching her,
only i realise how much she'd went through for me.
Just when i was driving her around,
i never think about this much like now.
Same goes for human actually.
When we are receiving helps from others,
regardless they are the friends, lover, admirers, whoever...
Have you ever tend to find out,
how much trouble had they went through just to get you happy?
Do you actually know the hard story behind their smiles?
We always said that,
"Thank. i appreciate your help.",
"Sorry for the trouble.",
"Your hard works are much appreciated.",
Bla bla bla...
All these formal speakings,
are you saying that because you really feel it that way?
Or you are just saying because you have to say that?
i think this question gonna take you some times to answer,
'cause i find it hard to answer as well.
But i think it will be the first one for me,
as if you come to think of it,
i do not say a thank when i do not feel like thanking.
Who care what you had done for me.
When i found it is unnecessary then it is unnecessary.
It is just a waste of your time,
and a waste of my time to thank you.
(That must be something seriously wrong about me...)
...i know you will always help me out `
Anyway put that aside first,
as it is not the main point i am trying to tell.
What i would like you to know is,
please show some care towards the people around you.
Try to find out what they'd actually done for you,
what they trying to hide behind their smiling face to you.
You know, in return maybe you don't have to love them, (but you can.)
but do let them know that you appreciate them.
And by the way, it is through your heart not your mouth.
Unless you are going to kiss them,
then that would be a different story.
Trust me, you will be surprised when you did what i said `
...how much you know behind my smile `
ps. ...but my feeling counts too `
生死相随 是何价
此情此深 有谁知
the story told at... 11:52 PM
メ Saturday, June 12, 2010
...can i stop writing? `
Okayz. before i have anything started,
there is a kind of feeling,
which could be good or bad in some sense,
and i wonder if i should like it, or hate it.
But anyway i think i had decided,
that i should throw it away, for this moment...
And i know that is hard but i have to,
unless you are going to pick it back for me, but would you...? `
Whatsoever... ` *thrown*
...rain had fallen the whole night `
That was quite an up and down for yesterday,
and my emotional control is on the edge now.
So i did joined up the Maths Competition event,
but i am sorry to say, i didn't win.
There are much Maths Genius in APIIT than expected,
and too i was not well-prepared for the competition.
You may think that as an excuse,
but whatever you say, i just can't hear it now `
If i told you i was not down for it,
then i must be lying.
But looking at the winners' face,
there is no doubt, they had done more than me for the event.
...this kind of ending, i had accepted `
...through the reflection.
can i see the real i? `
Though something lighten me up,
i saw the rainbow on the highway.
Even though it is not as pretty as what i once saw before,
but i smiled for it ` - smiled -
After that i keep thinking of something,
something that is also what troubling me since some times ago.
But i told myself i should stop thinking,
and yet, i am still trying... thinking... ,you know.
Realised there is one element out there,
which can change my mood so fast, so easily.
But maybe that will never be noticed...
Maybe i should take care of my own feeling first before the others.
(...selfish? `)
But so badly i wish i could have the power,
to read throught your mind...
...can i reach you. if i run? `
ps. ...what excuses do i need in order to see you, talk with you? `
我不想再写
随手撕下这一页
原来诗跟离别
可以没有结尾
憔悴后悔等等 这些
the story told at... 6:43 PM
メ Thursday, June 10, 2010
...it is tiresome for trying to save the earth `
i start to feel tired,
tired of helping out the others.
i know that is not a good sign for me,
but i just can't help myself feeling so.
...is confused `
Lately i had been quite the busy during the class,
and sometime even after the class.
People just keep on calling,
asking me about this and that.
i know it happened all the time before as well,
but i just start feel that things are going out of control.
i know the upcoming events,
the Lab Test, assignment due whatever are stressing them.
That's why i am not telling them face-to-face,
...please leave me alone `
Seriously i don't mind of teaching as well,
but please give me a break when i am in a break.
i don't like to work during my personal peace of time,
i mean, who would like?
...go for a break `
Then again, when i have to explain the same thing,
again, again and again to a same person,
that truly make me fed up.
Though the worst is yet to come.
When i already told that i am not good on a certain topic,
but people still insist on my help,
then fine, i will help.
But when they took my work and show the lecturer,
then were told it is wrong,
that kind of look they give me back is just... ...
Or maybe when i am trying to explain half way,
then they start up to giving their ideas,
and maybe even trying to change mine.
If you are really so smart about it,
why you want to ask me in the first place, huh`?
i think if anyone read this,
they are going to think twice before asking me questions again.
But i could give you some tips,
do the right thing in the right time,
and i hate repeating myself.
...nothing had changed `
Anyway for those who usually seeks for my help,
i doubt they would read my blog.
So in the end i just change nothing,
for so long i wrote. *peace~ -_-V*
ps. ...拯救地球好累 `
Having some unexplainable feeling lately,
like something is missing from my life.
Time flows so slow after i home everyday,
i forgot how i spent my time before.
Miss the day i could stay in car all night long,
quit the buzzing from other,
have the music calm my soul.
...maybe we can't find it back,
but you are here looking with me `
Maybe all i need is just someone,
who could enjoys the same music with me.
Message:
It is nothing actually,
just wanted to tell you i read what you wrote,
but i do not know what i should write for you.
Lol. i know i am cute =x
the story told at... 8:37 PM
メ Sunday, June 6, 2010
...facebook-ed on the Broga's Peak ` xD
"...woot! i am on top of Broga Hill! ` xD "
...on the Broga Hill `
If you possible woke up on 6am this morning,
and possibly you are checking facebook on that time too,
you might just saw my status updated.
Hey! i am not joking you know.
i updated my status on top of Broga Hill! Lol~
It is really quite surprised that i can connect facebook on there,
but you know, Maxis is just so COOL nowadays!
Though too bad it is not WiFi-ed there YET,
but i believe it will some days :D
...hey! i was on the hill `
For you information, Broga Hill locates somewhere in Semenyih.
But please don't ask me which road, which part, which whatever,
as you know, i am just senseless when it comes to direction.
So let's make thing simple, it is in Semenyih `
i not sure who comes out with this idea first,
going up Broga Hill to watch sunrise.
The idea wasn't that bad actually,
but i think the hill still need to grow taller for that.
Though if you are saying to have a star-gazing session here,
i would totally agree it is NICE! `
i have been dreaming to ly on a grassy field,
watch through the night sky,
and thinking about nothingless.
That kind of feeling is just so... fantastic `
And today i had my dream half-fulfill.
Why i am saying it is half?
Simply because the ground there is not grassy but rocky instead,
and somehow it is just too crowded with people on weekends ._.
...they are all humans `
...who have the clean-est shoes? `
Anyway for either reason you are climbing it,
there is difficulty remains.
As we are going to climb it in late night,
and it is long not dawn yet.
But that is the first time i actually feel the moonlight,
the feeling is just that you can't find it in city.
...believe me it is good if you love the night sky like me `
Needless to say much for now,
it is better you went there and experienced it yourself,
don't you think so? `` :DD
The photo gallery would be HERE and HERE,
but since it is facebook base...
so you should know why if you can't view it.
...i love this one `
ps. ...did i mentioned that you have to hike 1.7km up to the peak? `
the story told at... 10:38 PM
メ Tuesday, June 1, 2010
...it is insomnia attack again `
You know what, it is Insomnia Attack AGAIN `!!
...insomnia again `
Can you understand the feeling,
when you are so freaking tired,
you wanted to sleep so badly,
but you just can't?
If you think that it is the same,
as you are rushing for assignments or exams,
thus you do not have enough time to sleep.
i can seriously tell you that,
things are totally different here.
Well` unless you ever experienced it before,
otherwise you will never know.
(...though it is better for you to stay unknown about it...)
Anyway for those unlucky one,
i mean whoever had the same problem as me,
you probably would know how terrible i feel every night.
...maybe i should take the pills `
But what do you know,
this damnie-disorder actually having quite a period like a girl.
Without a single failure,
it is going to hit me once after every few months.
i can say that it kinda got its seasons in the year ._.
But what could be worse,
the effect never lasts for just 1 or 2 days.
It is gonna be either 1 week or 2 and even 3...
Okayz. let's just say it is gonna be one month. (duh......)
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...Opps!
i just got freaked out by myself.
Anyway i will try to sleep harder now,
hopefully i won't get up and wrote another entry again.
ps. ...is this the cause of BPD? Or both are the Scorpion Disorder? `
the story told at... 12:48 AM
